This is a simple story...
but not an easy one to tell.
Like a fable, there is sorrow...
and, like a fable, it is full of wonder and happiness.
I sing what I see. Nothing gets by me.
"Here I am," said I to chaos.
"I am your slave!" And he answers: "Good."
"For what?" said I.
Liberated! I now leave behind my chains. For what good is a caress when bliss...
...is what I have come to find and possess?
I stand here before the world.
The brakes are gone, the trains will soon be gone.
And I can resist no more. Sweet Bacchus, take me away!
The brakes are gone! The brakes are gone!
You said that already.
No, I mean: the brakes are really gone!
Oh boy!
Have you taken this clutch with a hand?
Brake!
It doesn't work!
Weren't you reciting a poem?
Turn the wheels!
Brake!
We're going to die! The woods!
Ok, turn right!
Do it now! Straight, straight!
The king is coming!
There he is!
There is a whole bunch of people in the middle of the road!
We have no brakes! Everybody get back! Get back, get back! Everybody back!
Back! Our brakes are completely gone! Get back!
We can't stop the car! Get back! Back!
Why don't you go for a walk? All right?
Otherwise, we won't get there until tomorrow.
I found the screw from before. Do you want it?
Oh yes, thank you. Give it to me please.
Good. Now what do you need?
Nothing. I don't need a thing. You can leave.
Come on, talk to me. What do you need?
I need ten minutes alone!
So all right, I'll leave you alone.
Do you want this spring from before?
- No. - You don't want it?
No, I don't want it. I just want to be alone.
All right. I'll leave you alone then.
Good.
It's really hot here.
- Ferruccio - Yes?
Sure you don't want that spring?
No! I want ten minutes alone.
I'm going to go wash my hands.
Good!
Hi, pretty young lady! How are you today, my dear?
Look at all these beautiful things!
Did your mother do all this?
No, the landlady did.
Well, it's really quite something. I tell you that.
May I ask you: is this all for sale? Is it fresh? How much? How old are you? And where is your mother?
I asked too many questions.
- What's your name? - Eleonora.
Pleased to meet you. I'm Prince Guido.
- A prince? Come on! - Of course, I am a Prince. What do you mean?
This area around here and this land, it all belongs to my principate.
I'll call this place Addis Ababa.
I'll change everything Out with the cows, in with the camels.
No more chickens, just ostriches.
Ostriches and camels?
And even a few hippopotamus, Eleonora
I have to get going. I have an appointment with the princess.
With who?
And you...
Buongiorno, Principessa!
How frightening. I almost killed myself. Are you all right?
Marvellous: never been better.
Do you always leave the house like that?
I was trying to burn a wasps nest, but they stang me on the leg.
You've been stung by a wasp? Please, allow me.
Hold still, Princess.
Wasps' poison...
...is dangerous.
Could take about half an hour!
-I'll be fine, thanks, thanks. -Are you sure?
- Did you get stung any place else? - No, thanks.
What a wonderful place this is! It's completely magical!
Birds fly all around, ladies fall from the sky. I want to move here tomorow!
It's all his! He's going to bring camels! He say it's his principate!
Exactly.
Prince Guido at your service, any time, my dear Princess.
I'll be right there!
Until we meet again.
- How can I possibly thank you? - There's no need.
However, if you insist on thanking me...
I could you some eggs to make a nice omelette for my squire, for supper tonight.
Please, whatever you want. It's all yours.
Thank you very much!
I'll take two... six. Thanks! It'll make a beautiful omelette.
And now I must leave! I thank you again, my beautiful Princess.
Arrivederci.
Here I come, my squire! Are you ready? It's eggs for us tonight.
And remember Eleonora: ostriches and camels everywhere!
- So, where is this house? - Turn left. We're almost there.
Will your uncle be staying with us?
No, are you kidding? He lived in the hotel for over 30 years. He's the head maitre.
He just keep the house to storage stuff he can't fit any place else.
Slow down: this is the place!
That's Robin Hood, my uncle's horse.
That's my uncle's buggy, that's my uncle's house.
And inside is my uncle.
Ok, let's go.
We are here uncle Lio!
It's really late: I hope it's not too much an inconvenience
I'm sorry we are late but the car broke d--
- Let's go! Let's go! - Hey! - Get Away!
Uncle Lio! Uncle Lio!
What happened? Are you ok?
Here: let me help you out. Are you alright?
Barbarians.
- Who were those guys? - Just barbarians.
- Why didn't you yell for help? - Silence is the most powerful cry.
Anyway, I am alright Is this your poet friend?
Yes, my name is Ferruccio. I'm also an upholsterer.
Yes, very good. Well, you'll have to make deal here.
It's an old storehouse full of odds and ends.
Collecting is an old passion of mine... an odd and end in itself!
Madonna! What's all this stuff for?
But you can stay as long as you want. It's hard being a waiter, these days, believe me.
Here's the bed. Legend has it Garibaldi once slept in it.
Nothing is more necessary than the unnecessary.
Ah, barbarians.
The town hall is on Via Sestani, you should probably go there in the morning.
The bathroom is that way, equipped with the appropriate invention of Monsieur Bidet.
There are a few books here, among which is "The Life of Petrarch" written by Lorenzo Paolino.
The kitchen is over there.
There is a velocipede, also known as a bike. You need to put air in the tires.
It's very late: I have to get back to the hotel. There's one key: don't lose it. It's over by the door.
It's a pleasure to see you.
I'm coming, Robin Hood!
What an uncle!
Look at this! Look over there! Look at that building!
Ferruccio! Didn't I tell you? We're in a city here.
We can do whatever you want. We're completely free.
If you want to do something, you just do it.
If you want to yell, you just go ahead and yell!
And no one's gonna stop you for that.
Stop, stop, stop! Ferruccio! What are you doing, have you gone crazy?
We are in the middle of a city. You can't behave like you do in the country.
- Come on! - What did I do?
"What did I do"? What do you mean "what did I do"?
They're gonna lock you up in a minute!
- I can't believe you. - Mary! The key!
- Hey! Look out! - I'm sorry - That's ok.
You see? If you yell people throw things!
You understand? If you stopped thinking about poetry so much...
you'd make your father a very happy man and you'd make more money than him.
I've been trying to tell him that for months.
You have to settle down somedays Ferruccio!
- What a nice hat. - It looks good.
- How does it look? - Fine, but this one it's mine.
So, when do you want me to start working?
You're already late. Where were you?
Take that armchair and take it over to the workshop, alright?
- You mean that? - Yes, I mean that one, and be careful with it: it's valuable!
Fine. I'm going to the town hall. I'll probably see you later.
Have a good day then, and behave yourselves...
because these are hard times, my friend.
Very hard times!
- They are bad? - Very bad.
Tell me, what would your political views be?
Benito! Adolph! Settle down!
You were saying?
Nothing, I said how... how are things going?
So everything's fine.
I said be careful with that piece! You'll break the legs!
Can't you follow somebody's instructions?
- Arrivederci. - Good-bye!
Bam! He pulled it off. He finally got my my hat. I'll go through him though.
Benito, I'll give you a slap!
I am new here and...
I understand there is a whole procedure I have to go through to open a bookstore.
- How long does it takes? - Years.
Then we'd better open a file so we can begin.
First you apply, and the boss of the department has to give his approval.
You mean... Oh, oh my God!
I almost scrambled all my eggs. I've had them in there since yesterday.
Thank goodness they didn't break. Anyway, take a note.
"The following person Guido Orefice hereby apply..."
He won't be able to sign it right now!
Wait! Wait! Here he comes!
What's going on up here?
I need your signature, because I want to open a bookstore.
- Did you talk to him? - Mr. Rodolfo, I told him, but he's insistent.
- It would really help me out a lot. - No, I can't.
My substitute will be here in an hour. Ask him.
- Mr. Rodolfo, all I need is a signature. - This office closes at one o'clock. Good day!
- But it's ten to one. - File a complaint.
Boy, what a nasty man.
All I wanted was for him to put his name on a piece of paper, that's not much.
Now I have to wait for the next guy, who's gonna to be here in an hour or two, if I'm lucky.
I'm gonna file a complaint. Write this down, "My name is..."
What a wallop!
Oh my goodness, are you alright? Let me help you.
Are you hurt? It was an accident. I'm sorry.
Don't touch me! Leave me alone!
As for your bookstore, as long as I have to say, it'll never open!
No, the eggs!
Why you little... Come back here... I'll kill you!
- Hey, what are you doing? That's my bycicle! - Stop it!
I'll bring it back!
Move , move! Out of the way!
Look out, look out!
Buongiorno, Principessa.
I wonder if we'll ever bump into each other while standing up.
Please excuse me now, but I've to run.
Arrivederci, Princess! Until next time.
- Broiler. - Chicken.
Broilers are served whole, turned over with the breast down on the plate. Perfect.
"Do you mind carving it for me, please?"
First I hold the blade under the wing then I tear off the leg.
And then I cut all around the ribcage.
Up goes a thigh, then the breast and...
- Lobster. - Piece of cake, Uncle Lio.
For the lobster, ok... for the lobster...
You cut into the breast, tear off its legs.
Then you take the wing... and...
Lobster is a crustacean. The lobster is a crustacean.
Off goes the legs... the crust... of the crustacean.
Off goes... the antennae, which we don't need, of course, not do.
Off go the antennae, off goes... the lobster.
At this point, nothing remains
We're out of lobster, right now but we do have some wonderful chicken.
- I don't remember lobsters. - It's always served fresh out of the kitchen.
There's no need to debone or even to touch it!
That's too easy. That's whyI didn't remember. I kind of skip over the easy.
What's after that?
Stand tall, firm and straight.
"Come here." "Yes!"
Return. Wait over here. "Waiter!" "Yes."
Return to position. "Waiter!" "Yes."
Return to the place. "Waiter!" "Yes."
Return to place.
Why are they always calling me, Uncle Lio? There must be other waiters, true?
Ok, moving on. Next is bowing. That's a skill I've been practicing.
So here I go.
You bend down like this, at a 45 degree angle, like a bottle of champagne.
You can even go lower if you want.
80, 90 degrees. I imagine I can go 180 degrees if I thought about it.
How long I am supposed to go?
Think of a sunflowers. They bow to the sun.
But if you see them so low they can't straighten up...
that means then they're dead!
You're serving, but you're not their servant.
Serving is an art practiced by the supreme being himself.
God serves men, but He's not a servant to men.
- There wasn't a button. - The button doesn't go there, don't be stupid.
I have to give the car back to my dad. He's counting on it.
No problem: return it in a month or so.
No, I've got to get it back soon. You know why?
Why?
Ferruccio! Ferruccio!
- What? What is it? - What are you doing? Were you sleeping?
Of course I was.
You asked me a question a minute ago, you turned your head, you went right to sleep.
- How did you do that? - Schopenhauer.
Schopenhauer?
Schopenhauer says that with willpower, you can do anything.
"I am what I want to be."
And now I want to be someone who's sleeping so I said over and over.
"Go to sleep, go to sleep" and you know what? It works.
Amazing. And so simple.
I'll try. "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep..."
Don't move your hands. Come on! You're not some kind of juggler.
Takes concentration. It's serious, and it must take time.
We'll talk about it tomorrow.
Tomorrow...
You will wake up... you will wake up.
Wake up... wake up.
You will wake up... wake up.
What you think you are doing?
- Exceptional power! - What are you saying?
Schopenhauer: I proved this theory. You were just sleeping and I said to you "Wake up."
And then, you woke up. I mean, this is incredible, this theory.
- How does this thing work? - Obviously, the more you yell in my ear...
...the more likely I am to wake up.
- You mean I should yell quietly? - You shouldn't be yelling at me at all!
I'm sorry.
It's not to be spoken, just think it.
Slow down! Why are you running?
- I told you I'm late! - I heard that.
Mary, the key!
Sorry!
Every morning, she's throwing that key.
Look, it's her!
Is that teacher I was telling you about Boy, is she pretty.
Come on, we'll go and say hi.
- Look out! Stand still! - What's wrong?
- Hold still! - Why? - Don't move, Ferruccio!
- The guy in the car.You see him? - Yeah.
He's that jerk, the one the eggs fell on.
He'll kill me if he sees me.
- What's he doing? - Nothing he's standing and talking. That's all.
- What's he saying? - How do I know?
- That's not good enough. What's he doing now? - I think he's leaving.
Look! He's got a car just like mine! There he goes!
- Hold still! - That's such a nice car!
Don't move!
A little longer... a little longer...
Buon giorno, Principessa!
You again. You're always surprising me.
This is the princess who fell from the sky into my arms.
Is he the one who sucked wasp poison out of your leg that time.
Yes. You have this amusing habit of happing out of nowhere.
Well, I could change it. We can meet...
- ...tonight around 8:00, if you want? - No, it's better like this.
We'll better get going. We're late for our class.
Maybe we'll meet by chance again.
- Arrivederci! - Farewell, Princess, farewell!
Did you see her? She's so pretty.
She said she likes when I suddenly appear.
No! You couldn't have...
Yes! The answer is "darkness."
You're a genius!
"The more there is of it, the more difficulty you have seeing it ."
The solution is "darkness".
Marvelous work. Did you make it up yourself, doc?
No, but you solved the damn thing in just five minutes.
It took me eight days. "Darkness"!
Here you go! Salmon, salad and a glass of white wine.
Wait a minute. Here's another one for you, Guido.
Please, if you allow me, it's my turn.
My dad told me this when I was a small boy.
"The dwarves and Snow White sit down for a bite.
How fast can you guess what she serves her guests next?"
That's pretty sophisticated, you know?
I want to solve it right now.
- You'd better eat first or it'll get cold. - I'd rather not, thanks. It's too late to eat.
But doctor: salad, salmon, white wine. It's very light.
Snow White...
...makes dinner for seven.
- Guido? - Yes?
- Can we serve? - But everybody's gone already.
A gentleman is here from the Ministry in Rome. He wants supper.
The kitchen's closed.
Too bad, he would have given you a wonderful tip.
The kitchen is now open.
Come right in, please.
- Good evening! - Thank you.
Doctor, you don't plan on eating this evening?
"The dwarves and Snow White..."
Good evening.
I am aware the kitchen is closed. Maybe a cold dish, whatever you can find.
Well everything's delicious here. Take your pick.
- What do you have that's light? - Well, let's see.
I have a steak, a big, heavy slab of meat swimming in fat..
served with some greasy breaded liver and a side kidneys pot.
- Or maybe fish. - Fish. Fish.
Very well, we have some nice fatty turbot...
...or some cod marinated in Grand Marnier and stuffed with blood sausage.
Or fresh salmon, or...
Salmon will be good, thank you.
- With that comes... - And a side dish, too?
Let me tell you. There is a mushroom very, very fried...
or buttered potatoes blazed and served with butter cream dipping sauce...
or perhaps...
Do you have a small, light salad? With vinaigrette dressing? If not, nothing.
A small salad for you? What a pity. Because the very, very fried mushrooms...
were out of this world. So, a light salad...
a lean salmon and a glass of white wine.
Perfetto! As soon as possible, please.
I'll do my best.
"How fast can you figure what she'll serve a guests next?"
- Correct? - Correct.
- "She serves dinner for seven". - Rest well, Doctor.
Good night, genius. "Snow White"...
What did he say? Snow White? Has he been drinking?
It's a riddle. The answer is "Seven seconds."
- Seven seconds? What it means? - "Seven seconds" is the solution time.
We have seven dwarves dining...
now if you ask what Snow White is gonna serve next and how fast she'll be able to serve it...
...the answer of course is "seven seconds".
Doctor Lessing is a good physician, and quite a serious person.
But he's obsessed with riddles.
I have the feeling he goes home and loses his sleep trying to solve them.
I see. Excuse me. Where is the "Francesco Petrarca" school?
Francesco... elementary school? Why? It's very colose, a friend of mine teaches there.
Perfect. That means an extra half hour of sleep.
Well I guess that means that you're going to the school in the morning?
That's right. I have to be there at 8:30.
All right, children, settle down! We need your attention, please.
The inspector from Rome will be arriving any moment.
I want to make a good impression.
So, listen very quietly and carefully to what he says.
He'll be telling us some very important things we need to know about our beautiful country.
Madam principal, madam principal, the inspector is here.
He's already here? He's early!
Sit down, Roberto!
On your feet!
Buon giorno, Principessa.
Good morning, Mr. Inspector. I'm the principal of the school.
Let me introduce you to some of our teachers.
Fine.
Beggining here? Well, which... what...
How many years is it now, that you've taught in this school district?
Sixteen years.
Are you up to date with the program..
approved by the school Ministry, this year?
Yes.
Did you read the bulletin I sent to this school regarding childhood hygiene?
Of course.
- Are you free this week-end? - What?
Well, Sunday, really... is Mary, St. Mary celebration, are you free?
I have theather tickets.
- For what show? - Offenbach.
Offenbach is playing.
Fine. Very good, beautiful.
Well, thanks very much and good-bye. I just have to...
Mr. Inspector...
The good inspector has been sent here...
to explain to you about the proclamation of race...
which has been signed by the most enlighted Italian scientists.
He will, and we're very honored having him doing it...
demonstrate to us that our race...
is really superior...
the best of them all.
Sit down.
Go ahead, Inspector.
- I'll explain our race... - Is superior.
Naturally!
Thanks. So, our race is superior.
In fact, I've just come from Rome and... right this minute...
to come and tell you, so there won't be any confusion, my friends...
that our race is definitely superior.
I was chosen to deliver this message by racist Italian scientists...
in order to illustrate to you...
how superior race we really are in this world.
You may be asking yourself "Why did they pick me?"
I think the answer is obvious... Wouldn't you say?
Who could you find that would be...
a more handsome specimen? I am the ultimate example of racial purity.
You're impressed? Well, of course, you should be.
In front of you stand a man who's clearly descendent from...
pure Aryan blood, my friends.
Take me.
Let's start with the folks who say: "What's all the fuss about?"
The ear. Why the ear? Well, take a look.
Like fine china, it's perfectly formed.
Above the ear lobe you find the auricle...
with a little precious pendant bell which you can wiggle...
with your fingers.
Or you can wiggle the entire ear. It's movable cartilage.
Find two ears prettier than these and I'll leave immediately!
Of course, you have to show them to me.
In France they dream about ears like these!
Ah! Believe me: races exist, it's part of life.
But I want to show you something about our particular race.
And it's really wonderful. Pay attention.
- He said Inspector? - Inspector.
- From Rome? - Yeah, Rome.
The belly button!
Take a look at this belly button! It's tied so hard...
you can't get it lose, even with your teeth!
Those racist scientists tried it and they ended up with lint in their mouth!
This is an Italian belly button, kids and it's part of our heritage!
Check out this style, folks!
Look at the muscles I have on me: ceps, biceps, triceps!
The body is beautiful!
And you've got to admire these hips, they move right and left.
Fantastic! Look at my legs upright!
Children...
Gentlemen... and ladies...
I must say good-bye now.
Because I have to go. I have an appointment.
I just remembered and I really can't be late.
I'll make an Aryan farewell.
But once again before I go: The belly button!
Goodbye Princess, I'll see you in Venice.
You see, I can only hear out of my left ear.
Look at me, Princess.
I know you can do it.
Come on, look down at me, Princess. I'm right below.
Turn towards me.
Turn this way, Princess. You can do it.
Turn around, turn around, turn around...
Turn to me, Princess...
Turn... turn around...
...turn around, turn around, turn around...
Turn to me, my Princess.
- Can we get a chocolate ice cream? - Yes darling, but we'll have to be quick.
Why?
Oh, I forgot to tell you: we have to be at the Prefect's at eight sharp.
We are invited to supper.
- To where? - At the Prefect's.
Have pity, Lord. I'm forsaken. Not another dinner at the Prefect's.
- By the way, your mother is invited. - Oh, perfect!
Why don't the two of us go to dinner?
We'll stop by the Prefect's afterwards, for coffee, ok?
I will not go!
All right, I get the message! I'll tell him we're not coming.
It'll just be you and me. Right?
- Good evening, Rodolfo! - Good evening, Mr. Prefect.
So, I'll see you later at my house for dinner. I'll expect you both today.
It's very kind of you. We'll be there at 8:00 sharp.
Perfect.
- Where is she? - I don't know
- She has to be here. I'm sure. - You're here?
- Good evening. - Good evening.
- Be on time tomorrow, got it? - Yes, Mr...
- Did you unload the stuff from the car? - Yes, sir.
It's silk. Don't ruin it. It costs a bundle.
- Quite an opera, wasn't it? - Beautiful, beautiful.
- Is that one of your curtains? - Which one?
That one? No, it must belong to one of my colleagues.
He did it to me again! That bum!
- Come on, let's go. - Wait a minute, it's pouring.
- Bring the car around to the front, please. - It's just a block away!
All right, you wait here, I'll go get it.
When I come back I'll pull up to the curb and honk the horn.
Ferruccio, give me the key. Give me the key!
Don't give me the house key. Give me the car key!
- I have it. - Come on, come on, come on!
Wait a minute, the car? What's wrong with you?
It's ok. I'll watch it.
Keep him busy, you know, the jerk the eggs fell on.
Just keep him busy until I make my get-away. All right? Ciao!
But the silk is in the car! Be careful!
The least you could have done is come get me with the umbrella.
You're just plain rude, Rodolfo. Look what a mess I am from being in the rain.
Plus, if there is one things that drives me crazy is having this dinner at the Prefect's.
I knew it. I'll be hiccuping all night.
I always get them when somebody makes me do something I don't want to do.
It doesn't take much to make me happy, I think I'm easy to please.
A cup of chocolate ice-cream is fine. Maybe two!
A nice walk together and let nature take its course.
The fact is that...
Buongiorno, Principessa!
But this is incredible. You owe me an explanation.
No, you owe me an explanation! But it's true...
I'm sorry, but I stopped under a roof and you fall from the sky into my arms.
I fall off my bike and you're waiting there to catch me.
Finally, I do a school inspection and before I know what's going on you're right before my eyes!
You're even in my dreams.
Please, leave me alone. I must tell you that appears you may be seriously obsessed with me.
Not that I blame you, but even so...
All right. I give up. It's fate I guess.
Where shall we drive, Princess? The ocean! Do you like the sea?
Yes, yes, I love the sea, but now you'd better take me back to the theater.
What's the matter?
Excuse me, Princess, but would you happen to know how to turn the windshield wipers on?
Oh, God! Step on the brakes!
It's ok, Princess. I'm in complete control.
Just hang on. It'll be all right.
It's broken!
When did you learn to drive?
- About ten minutes ago. - You need another lesson.
- The top won't close. - The door won't open.
We're stuck!
We'll get out of here, Princess. I'll take care of it.
The most important thing is that you don't get wet.
Here, Princess... Cover yourself with this, take it.
Thank you.
Ok, we'll get out of here now. Here we go.
I'll take care of everything.
Ok. Here we go.
Be careful, Princess. Watch your step.
Here we go. There we are.
Wait, Princess. There's a big puddle!
Wait here! You'll get your feet wet.
Here we go!
- After you, Princess. - Where are we going?
Don't you remember? We've already been here together.
We were? When?
The night when it was raining...
I made you an umbrella out of a pillow!
It was a beautiful night. I put the steering wheel on my shoulder...
...and then I did a little waltz, and when I stopped in front of you...
...you kissed me.
Princess, your cute little behind is showing.
Well, it depends on the person. My father was like that.
He had the ability to make me do anything, you know?
Maybe it was because he understood me.
I was just like putty in his hand.
And every time, every time, I'd say yes.
You mean that this precious treasure, that you're hiding within this jewel box...
there's a way to unlock this jewel box and convince you to say yes to me?
It's even easier than you may think.
- You simply need to have the right key. - Where is this key exactly?
Heaven only knows. It's clearing up.
Wait! So, you were saying... I mean...
the key that always makes you say yes has to come from heaven, right?
Eh, yes.
That's perfect. I'll give it a try.
I suppose the Virgin Mary could hear a prayer and send the key in my way. It's possible.
Mary, the key!
Is this it?
Do you really have to go home? What about the chocolate ice-cream?
- Let's get some now. - No, not now.
- Then when? - I don't know.
Well, are we going to let heaven decide that too?
No, for heaven's sake.
Leave Mary alone. Don't bother her over a chocolate ice-cream!
No, it's much too important. We can't leave something like ice-cream to chance.
I have to ask her.
Mary, please send someone to tell us...
how long before we'll be allowed to have this chocolate ice-cream!
Seven seconds! I'm certain of it.
Here, this is my house.
It is? You know, I've gone by here a thousand times.
I've always wanted to open my store right out front.
- The bookshop? - Yes. Then I'll see you every day.
Well, good-bye.
You've been so nice to me. All I want now is a hot bath.
I... I forgot to mention...
Yes?
You can't imagine how much I feel like making love to you now.
But I'll never tell anyone, especially you.
Someone will have to torture me to say it.
- To say what? - That I want to make love to you now.
Not just once, but as often as we can.
But I'll never tell you that.
I'd have to be crazy to confess that I want to make love even here...
...in front of your house, for the rest of my life.
Go! You should run before it pours again.
Goodnight, Princess.
- You're all wet. - Well, the suit is nothing.
It's that hat that bothers me.
I need a dry hat, but where can I find one? It's pretty late...
Your prayer... I'll ask for it.
Mary, please send someone to give my friend a dry hat.
Buonasera, Principessa. Arrivederla.
- Excuse me, waiter, the restroom? - Pass the bar, on the left.
If you don't get up immediately...
I swear on your father's deathbed I'll never speak to you again...
For the rest of my life! I'm serious my dear.
I'm going to count to three now.
And if you still won't get up, I'll have to force you.
One...
Dora!
That's it.
Good girl.
By the way, have you heard who's getting married?
No, who's getting married?
Didn't I tell you? That creep the eggs fell on!
- What a joke! - Are you serious?
- Who's he marrying? - I don't know.
But I don't think she's coming, she hasn't even shown up yet.
Everybody's been standing around.
- Guido? - What?
- I've been looking for you everywhere! - What is it?
- Your uncle. - My uncle?
Something just happened. You have to see.
- Where? - Outside. The horse!
- The horse?
What's that? Uncle Lio!
What happened to your horse?
What a sight, I can't believe it! What did they write on him?
"Achtung! Jewish horse" Oh my God!
Usual barbarians and vandals. It's pretty depressive and complete nonsense.
They have no respect.
Oh, uncle Lio, don't get upset. They just did it because they...
No, this wasn't just a mindless prank They were sending a message.
I think you'll better get used to it, Guido.
- They'll start with you eventually. - With me?
Uncle Lio, what could possibly happen?
The worst they can do is undress me, paint me yellow and write...
"Achtung! Jewish waiter"
Come on!
I didn't know the horse was Jewish, I swear it.
Let's go. I'll clean him up tommorow, is that ok?
Come back inside now.
- Guido, look! Near the front desk. - Look where? No!
Dora! But...
Wait. I'm gonna surprise her.
- ...that would be so nice... - Dora? Dora, I want you to... hello.
Come with me. I want you to meet Fido Giovanardi.
- Who? - Fido Giovanardi!
Guido!
Doctor Lessing! Where are you up to?
I got an important telegram. I must leave immediately for Berlin.
- What are these flowers? - They're for you, for your departure.
I'll tell you what: I'll take one.
I'll give it to my wife: Guido's flower.
I truly enjoyed myself with you, Guido.
You're the most amazing waiter that's ever been my fortune to know
Thanks, Doctor. I have to say you're the most cultured customer I've ever met.
Thanks.
Good-bye, Doctor Lessing.
By the way...
"If you utter my name...
I won't exist anymore. Who am I?"
"If you utter my name, I won't exist anymore."
"I won't exist anymore..."
What did he say?
It's "silence"!
Brilliant. If you say the word, it's not there anymore. It's silence.
I'm not talking about Berlin, in the countryside, if you can imagine. In Crewneck.
Third grade. Listen to this word problem.
Really, it's quite shocking. The problem...
Supporting a lunatic costs the State 4,00 marks a day.
Supporting a cripple, costs 4,50 marks.
An epileptic, 3,50 marks.
Figuring the average of 4,00 marks per each day...
and considering there are 300'000 of them, how much would the State save...
if these individuals were simply eliminated, eradicated?
Completely unbelievable!
That is exactly how I reacted. Completely unbelievable!
I can't believe an elementary school child...
is expected to solve something like this.
It's a difficult calculation. The proportions, the percentages.
They need some algebra to solve these equations, right?
That would be high school material for us.
No, no, it's just multiplication. What did you say it was? 300'000 cripples?
- Yes - 300'000 times four...
We'll be saving 1'200'000 marks a day, if we kill them all.
- It's easy! - Exactly! Bravo.
But you're an adult. In Germany seven-year olds are given these problem to work out.
The most amazing race indeed!
"Buongiorno, Principessa".
- What did you say? - I said "Buongiorno, Principessa"
See, it's right here, on the cake.
Dora, why are you just standing there? Come on, let's go!
Let's go dance.
Thank you, thank you very much, thank you.
Just a couple of things, since you pretty much know it all by now...
and have known for several years.
Dora and I, we were born on the same block.
Went to the same school together, and had many of the same friends.
In short, Dora is the woman of my life...
and I'm the man of her life, and so...
we've made the decision to get married within few months.
And you're all officially invited on April the 9th...
to the Basilica of Santa Maria del Pellegrino.
Then we'll have a celebration where we eat, drink and dance 'till dawn...
and everyone can feel happy just the way we feel tonight.
- Bravo! - Thanks.
- Bravo! - Playboy, come on, kiss her! Kiss her!
- Guido! What's wrong with you? - Nothing.
- You all right? - Fine, fine. I'm fine.
Hey, you put this armchair, right here, in the middle of everything?!
Guido, are you all right?
- I'm fine. Fine, I'm fine, really. - I'm so sorry, Guido.
- No, I'm all right. I didn't hurt myself. - No, I meant...
- How's the party going? - Everything is fine.
Bravo, bravo. Go back. I'll take care of all this, sure, go ahead.
I'm fine. Sure. Go ahead. Thank you. Ok, let's go.
- Guido? - What?
Are you all right?
I'm fine, I'm fine! Why is everyone asking me?
Have I done something out of the ordinary? Is anything wrong?
No, no, no, no. Everything seem to be fine.
But why don't you just... go back to the kitchen.
- All right. - Guido!
- Yes? - The kitchen.
But they moved everything around tonight.
Look where they put the kitchen, for heaven's sake!
- Peekaboo! Peekaboo! Guess who, Rodolfo? - Who is it!?
It's me! What's the matter, you've gone soft?
- Bruno! - Signorina.
We finally have the chance to meet each other.
His manners are atrociuous.
You were scared to introduce me, you sly dog!
Now you don't need to come with us to the brothel anymore!
I'm sorry for disturbing you. And so, felicitations!
Be happy, you sly dog!
What a jolly fellow!
I'm terribly sorry, it's nothing.
I'll pick it up.
Principessa!
You're here as well?
Please, take me away.
If I can have your attention...
We present this magnificient offering to you, in honor of this singular occasion.
The ritual cake of Ethiopia!
Thank you! Music, maestro!
- Here's to you - Thanks a lot.
If you would, Princess.
But he's...
Hurry up now, please, Princess.
I'm sure I know...
He's that jerk who broke the eggs on me!
Dora. Dora!
Dooraaa!
No! Oh, Ferruccio!
He's got the keys to the house, I can't believe this is happening.
I need some wire. I can open it if I get some wire.
Here's some!
I can do amazing things with wire, Princess. My father taught me how.
I used to make toys out of wire when I was a kid.
One, two and... three.
Princess?
Joshua? Joshua!
Joshua! Let's go. You're going to make Mommy late.
I was looking for my tank.
All right, don't worry. We'll find it. Let's go.
Sit him here. Where did you leave that tank?
- It's on the stairs. - I'll get it for you, ok.
Hold the bicycle. I'll spend half of my life...
- ...searching for this tank. - You're all dirty.
You'd think I know where it was hiding right now.
Here. Here you go.
- Uptight, Joshua. - Go, papa, go!
- Slow down: you guys are crazy! - You're gonna be late for class.
Joshua, there's a horse! In fact I see two horses!
Wow! Two horses!
Guido, stop ringing that bell! I'm going mad!
- It's not me, it's Joshua. - It's not me, it's papa!
- Stop it! Right now! - Hey, relax.
Turn, papa, turn!
Beautiful!
Here we go.
- See you tonight. - Ciao.
- Ciao! - Ciao, Dora. Ciao!
Go fast, papa!
Well, just this once. One... two... three... lets'go!
Can we buy this for Mommy?
- How much does it cost? - Fifteen lire.
It's probably just a fake cake, like your tank.
Come on, we'd better get moving, we're gonna be late, Joshua.
"No Jews...
...or dogs allowed."
Come on, Joshua, let's go.
Papa, how come Jews and dogs aren't allowed to go in that store?
Because, they just don't want Jews or dogs to go in.
Everybody does the same thing.
There's a hardware store, just up the street west. They've done the same thing.
They won't let Spanish people or horses in their store.
Further up ahead, you find a drugstore.
I was with a Chinese friend of mine who had a kangaroo.
I said, "May we?" "No, no Chinese or kangaroos here."
What can I tell you? Some people just don't like them.
We let everybody into our bookshop.
No. We're gonna put our sign, too.
- Is there anybody you don't like? - Spiders. And you?
I don't like Visigoths. So, starting tomorrow we're gonna write...
"No spiders and Visigoths allowed." Ok?
I'm sick and tired of these Visigoths.
Good morning.
Everything's for sale, half price.
- Mr. Orefice? - What is it you want?
- You have to come to the Prefect's. - What do they want now?
- He just went. - Let's go.
What did I do?
- Were you with that man? - Yes. Let's go.
All right.
- I will come with you, papa. - No.
You mind the store. It won't take long, will it?
- Not long at all. - See? I knew.
Make sure the customers are treated well!
I'll be back.
Hello.
- Buongiorno. - Buongiorno.
- How much is this? - It costs 5 lire.
No, it says here 10 lire.
Everything's half price.
Take this to your mommy and tell her it's from Grandma.
I don't really know grandma, she's never come to visit us.
- Have you been wanting to meet her? - Yes.
You'll meet her tomorrow.
- Tomorrow? - Yes.
Because tomorrow is your birthday...
and your grandma want to get you something special.
Will it be a new toy-tank?
No, it's a surprise.
Give the letter to your mommy.
Ciao, Joshua.
Grandma, you forgot to take your change.
Grazie.
- When are you coming home? - In an hour or so.
I have uncle Lio bring some leftovers from the hotel for tomorrow.
- Ciao. - Ciao. - Ciao.
- Then what did Grandma say? - She's coming tomorrow.
J E
J EWISH STOR E
It's about time!
- It's time for your bath, Joshua. - I don't wanna take it.
- No arguments: take your bath. - I just took one on Friday.
On Friday, he took one on Friday.
- And you can go change your shirt. - I changed it on Thursday!
Don't forget the flowers!
They're outside. They're red. I'll go and get them.
I'll come with you, papa!
No, you have to take a bath: go! The water is getting cold, Mr. Stubborn!
I don't wanna take it! I don't wanna take it! I don't wanna take it!
Hurry up. I have to go pick up grandma.
- Where do you want the flowers? - Just set them down. I'll be right there.
Alright.
I took one on Friday!
Joshua?
- Have you seen Joshua? - No. No, he must have run in there.
- Listen: can you clean up that mess soon? - Certainly
- The flowers are so pretty. May I see? - They are beautiful.
- I'll bring them... you wanna see the flowers? - Yes.
I'll get them to come over to me.
Calling the nightstand: come here, nightstand.
Schopenhauer... willpower, I want the stand to move towards me.
Come, come, come...
...ok, that's enough. You may stop.
This little nightstand looks awfully dirty.
Buongiorno, Principessa!
He can already read and write?
- For quite some time now. - You did a good job.
Here we are.
Let me help you out.
I'm fine, I can manage.
Dora, what's wrong?
Are we there?
No, it's just a crossing. Come on up here, son.
Will you tell me where we're going now?
What do you mean, where? Come on, come on.
You must have asked me a thousand times, already.
We're going off to... We're going to that place... Help me.
It's a place...
Where are we going?
Wait a second.
It seems to me this is a special day for you, isn't today your birthday?
You've always said you wanted to go on a trip! And see: so here we are.
It took me months to plan this. Are you kidding?
You know what? You're gonna be surprised.
I can't tell you. I promised mom I wouldn't tell you.
And you know how she is. She'll get mad, right?
And it makes me laugh.
You know, my papa planned something like this for me when I was a little kid like you.
It was funny to me, because... like now.
We were going...
Don't make me say. I don't wanna tell you, I want you to see for yourself.
It was really a surprise. You know, it makes me... makes me laugh.
I'm tired, pop.
You go to sleep, then.
Uncle Lio...
Where are we going? Where are they taking us?
Here we are.
Just as we planned. And we're gonna be leaving right on time.
What organization!
- You've never been on a train, huh? - No. Is it nice?
It's really nice! You'll see.
It's all wooden inside. And there's no seat. So everybody get to stand up the whole way.
- Why there're no seats? - What? Seats on a train?
No, it's obvious you've never been on one!
No, everybody stands real close together.
Are you kidding me?
Do you see how big this line is? I got the last few tickets that would even avail.
Let's move, let's go, uncle Lio. I don't want them to say "Full, too late...
...this train is full." Wait up, fellas.
We've got a reservation! Look at that crowd.
Oh, well. Here we go, Joshua.
Here we are! We made a reservation!
Thanks a lot! Here we go.
- How may I help you, madam? - There's... there is an error.
How's that? An error?
My husband and my son are on that train.
What's your husband's name?
Orefice Guido.
Also Orefice Joshua and Orefice Eliseo are on the train.
There's no error. What error?
I want to board that train, too.
- We're set to go, sir. - So send them off.
Go on, move out!
Return home, madam, please.
Wait! I want to get on that train.
I believe I was clear: stop the train!
Mom's here!
Dora...
They stopped the train to let mom get on.
Uncle Lio, take.
- Here I am. - He's tired.
Hey, Joshua, did you see this place? Is really something, isn't it?
Papa, I didn't like the train.
I didn't like it either. We'll take the bus back, ok?
Hey! All you soldiers! On the way back we're gonna take the nice big bus! The one with seats!
I told them.
- Hmm, that's better. - I think so.
There, you see? They have everything organized here.
Did you see all those people? They are lined up outside trying to get in.
They are even cutting in line, they're wantin' so bad.
Will you told me which game, papa?
Of course, I should have told you this before.
The whole thing is a game, is that game where... eh...
We're all players, right? You know what I mean? It's all organized very carefully.
The rules are...
...the men are over here, the women are over there.
Then there's the guards. They give us our schedules.
It's pretty hard, and they make it complicated. And...
...if someone makes a mistake, well, they get sent home right away, right away.
That means you have to be very careful.
But if you're real clever, you win first prize!
What's first prize, papa?
Well, you know, first prize.
- A brand new tank, Joshua. - But I already have a tank.
No, but this one's much better! It's a real one, it's new and it works!
A real one? Nooo!?
Yeah! See: that's why I didn't wanna tell you.
Where's Uncle Lio going?
He's on another team. It's all organized. You see?
- Bye, Uncle Lio! - Ciao!
Boy, a real tank!
Wasn't I right, Joshua?
Look: it's wonderful!
What a great place!
We'll better go before they take our beds. Hold on: we've got a reservation.
Here you go. Coming through! Coming through!
Here it is... no... where is? There is.
We can sleep real close. It's perfect.
Joshua?
This place smells. How long we have to stay? I wanna see mommy.
We will go! Come on.
- I'm starving! - We'll be served soon.
Plus they're always yelling! They're really mean here!
Well, they yell because first prize's so good, everybody wants to win the tank, so they have to be tough.
- How much longer 'till I see mommy? - When the game's over you'll see her.
When is it finished?
It's finished when you make many points.
The tank goes to whoever can earn a thousand point first.
I don't believe you. Are we getting something to eat soon?
A... a meal? ... a meal?
Well,we just ask. We're all friends here.
- Look who's here. What's his name? - Bartolomeo.
Bartolomeo, can I ask you a question?
Did the man who hands out the bread and jam come by already?
Can you believe it? I guess we've just missed him by a second!
He'll come back though, when he returns for a second round later today.
He'll be back.
Attention! Silence!
Is there an Italian here who speaks German?
- What did he say? - He wants somebody who speaks the language.
He's going to explain the camp's rules.
- You speak German? - No.
Everybody listen up, I'll say this once and only once.
The game starts now. If you're here you're in if not you're out.
You were transported to this camp for only one reason:
You have to score a thousand point to win. If you do that you take home a tank.
to work.
Lucky dog!
Any attempt of sabotage will be punished immediately by death.
The executions will take place in the courtyard,
by means of gunshot to the back.
Each day we'll be announcing who's in the lead from that loudspeaker there.
The one with the least points has to wear a big sign each day that spell the word...
... "Jackass" right on his back.
You have the honor to be allowed to work for our great German fatherland,
and to take part in the construction of the great German Reich (empire).
We get to play the part of the nasty guys who yell all the time.
Anybody who's afraid loses points.
You should never forget three basic rules:
First of all, do not attempt to escape.
Second, obey every order without question.
Third, any attempt of rebellion will be punished by hanging.
Is that clear?
There's three way a person can lose his points. They would be as follows:
One, turning in a big-cry baby.
Two, telling everyone you want to see your mamma.
Three, if you're hungry and you want us to bring you something to eat.
Forget about it!
You should be happy that you get to work here.
Nothing will happen to those who follow the rules.
It's very easy to lose points here for being hungry.
Just yesterday I was penalized 40 points...
...because I was so hungry that I had to have a jam sandwich.
Obedience is everything.
Apricot jam!
And one more thing:
He wanted strawberry.
at the sound of the whistle,
everybody assemble out to the courtyard, immediately.
And don't ever ask for any lollipops, because you won't get any.
We eat them all!
Fall into two rows,
I ate 20 of them yesterday!
in silence.
What a tummy ache.
Every morning,
But they were good.
is roll call.
You bet.
I also wanted to tell you this.
You will work over there...
You will easily understand the dimensions of the camp.
I'm sorry I have to leave, but I'm playing hide and seek...
...and I have to go before I get caught.
- What's going on? - No, no, no, don't ask me anything.
I don't speak German. Ask Bartolomeo.
Don't forget to tell me what he said, too.
- One thousand points?! - A thousand for the tank!
Isn't this fun?
These guys are crazy!
This must weigh 500 pounds! And it's about 3000 degrees!
Vittorino, I can't cope anymore!
- It's just your first one. - What? How long we have to do this?
- Until midnight. - I'll never make it.
Bartolomeo, what's wrong? Where are you going?
Infermery: I hurted my arm.
Oh my God! We're gonna die here, Vittorino!
I can't take it anymore! I'm gonna put this down.
I'll tell them I can't do it. What can they do to me?
They'll murder you!
- Eh? - They'll murder you!
- Where do I take this? - To there.
You must be joking, all the way with this thing. I'll never make it!
Vittorino, it's got to be 10000 degrees in here!
Papa!
Here we go. How 'bout this? It's nice, huh?
Don't worry. We're all signed up.
I stopped over the office. When I got there, guess what?
The referee put me a sign and said...
"No way, you and your son aren't on the list. The dues aren't paid."
Imagine him telling me that.
I almost fell over. I was so angry and upset.
And then this guys said "You can go." I said "No, you go!"
"Joshua and I signed up."
I told them "I want my number!" So of course they gave me one right away.
And look at this: I had them put it here, too, to be safe.
What a place this is.
I've never had so much fun.
Listen. Did you play with some of the other kids?
Yes, but the other kids don't know about the rules.
They said it's not true that first prize is a tank.
And I am the only one who knows about the points.
Of course they say that to you! They want to be sure that they beat you.
They are so sneaky.
But Joshua: they just want the tank! Don't you fall for that.
How many points did we make so far today?
Today we make around 50.
Well 48. They took two points 'cause...
...well, I tripped while I was... playing hopscotch.
I tripped, you know, I fell all over.
We...
laughed like crazy today! I died laughing!
Boy, did I have fun!
I can't wait to start all over again tomorrow!
Hopscotch, tug of war and ring around the rosy.
Every game. I don't even remember all of them.
"Stop! I can't play anymore!" I said.
- Did you eat today? - Yes, but I didn't even ask for a snack.
Bravo! That means you were able to earn 12 points!
48 for me, 12 for you...
That's sixty!
At 60 points we already won a prize, and just wait 'till I show it to you.
A plain piece of bread, with no jelly on it, Joshua.
This is for you, how about that?
Thank you.
- Is 60 points a lot? - Are you kidding me? Sixty points?
That's enough to put us in front! It's really a lot.
Hey, look who's here! Bartolomeo!
Everything worked out?
Any worse ... I got 20 of them now.
We got a whole lot more.
Don't tell him that. We're gonna beat everyone!
Halt! I already told you: get back inside now!
Old ladies and children don't work.
The rest of you, downstairs!
Let's go, girls, quickly.
That one's new. She learned right away.
The lady upstairs, who let us out, she seemed nice at first.
Now she's the worst of all!
At least she didn't send the old ladies and children to work.
Listen: they don't send old people and kids to work because they murder them!
One of these days you're going to hear someone calling out...
"Come on, kids! Come on, let's go! Time for a shower!".
They end up in... the gas chamber.
Down the ztairs!
How can I do this?
Vittorino!
Where... where do they find all these anvils?
Papa, papa!
Joshua! How do you find us? You're not allowed to be here!
Go! Go away!
Why aren't you playing with the other children?
I heard a soldier tell the kids that everybody has to take a shower.
And I don't want to, I just want to play.
- You have to take a shower! - No!
- Yes! - No, I won't do it!
You heard me!? Get going!
What's happening here, papa?
We're making... we're making... the prize.
Making a tank. We're all working on its tracks.
That was supposed to be done by now. It's going slow, but it's fun!
We're really busy you have to leave! Get going and take a shower!
I don't wanna do it! I don't wanna do it! I don't wanna do it!
You gotta listen to me now: If I'll tell mommy, you'll lose ten points!
Now go over there and hide. We'll go back together when I'm done.
Stay out of sight.
This sure is fun.
Remove it all!
Take everything off! Hang your clothes over there!
You'll get them back after the shower.
Forward!
Remember your number to get your clothes back!
Women and children will shower together.
Did you hurt yourself, miss?
Thanks, Bartolomeo.
Joshua, from now on, you're gonna have to hide here the whole day.
If they see us now it's over. We're disqualified.
What do I have to do?
Nothing, you have to stay. Vittorino, help me out.
You have to hide here the all day, understand?
Don't let anyone see you, especially those mean guys who yell all the time.
You hear me?
Remember: you have to stay hidden!
I know it's the hardest part.
But if we get this right, the tank is ours. It's worth 120 points.
I'll take you to work every day and hide you.
You'll desappear. Who are you? I don't know you.
I've never see you before. You're gone.
Got it?
Josuha?
I got you!
Bravo!
Anybody here? Am I disturbing anyone?
Bitte? Bitte?
Joshua, come here!
Hurry up, come on!
Buongiorno, Principessa!
Last night, I dreamt about you all night!
We were going to the movies. You were wearing that pink dress...
that I really like.
You're all I think about, Princess.
You are always in my heart And now...
Mommy!
Pop carries me in the wheelbarrow, but he doesn't know how to drive!
We're always crashing!
It's very funny!
Run! Run! The mean guys who yell are behind us!
- Where? - Over here! Over here!
Come on! Hurry up! We gotta go!
Papa, are they dry yet?
Yes, they're dry.
Here... catch.
Bartolomeo, where is Vittorino, Alfonso and all the others?
They didn't make it.
"If you say my name, I'm not there anymore."
It's silence.
The Grand Hotel.
Guido.
Guido. Where have you been? We were worrying about you.
They're half crazy!
I mean, they're half crazy! All of them!
The man who does the check-ups, the Captain...
He's a friend of mine.
I used to be his waiter at the Grand Hotel.
He said they're having a dinner with all the officials and their wives.
It's a pretty big deal.
He asked me if I was available to wait table for these people.
I hope the man's trying to help us. Maybe he can get us out of here.
Jousha, listen... Joshua?
Bartolomeo, where's Joshua?
Where can he be? Joshua?
Joshua?
What are you doing? Come here!
- No. - Come on out of there!
- No. - Don't tell me no. Come on out to papa!
Come on, come on out here! Look at you. You're all dirty.
Where have you been?
I was... I told you I was playing that game of rummy.
They make buttons and soap out of us.
- What are you saying? - They burn all of us in the furnace.
Where did you hear this?
A man who was crying over there.
He said they burn us and make us into buttons and soap.
Joshua. Come on, you think that's true?
You really believed all that stuff?
Come on! I presumed you were a kid who was very intelligent!
Buttons and soap out of people? That's completely absurd!
That'll be the day!
You really believed that?
Just imagine. Tomorrow I get up and wash my hands with Bartolomeo...
He would make some good soap.
Then I'll button up with Francesco.
Look! I just lost Giorgio!
Does this look like a person or what?
Come on! You fell for it! They were just teasing you!
Buttons and soap! What more did they say?
That we get cooked in the furnace.
They burn us up in the oven.
They burn us in the oven. You're too much...
You believe everything they tell you!
Come on! I've seen of a wood oven...
but I've never seen a man-oven before.
"I'm out of wood!" "Ok, take this lawyer! Let's put him in."
"This lawyer isn't dry enough to burn.
Look at all that smoke he's making!"
Come on, Joshua! It's ridiculous!
Buttons, soap and ovens!
Let's be serious for a second.
I have a sack race with the bad guys tomorrow.
And I need your advice to...
Ok papa, that's enough. I want to go home.
- When? - Right now.
But it's raining now. You'll come down with a fever of 110!
I don't care. Come on!
Fine with me. If you want to go... we go.
We'll get our stuff and we'll get going, ok?
- You mean it? - Certainly, we can leave anytime.
What do you think, they force people to stay?
Wouldn't that be something!
That'll be the day.
Ok, let's pack up all our bags and get out of here.
I'll carry out this stuff.
Too bad. We were in the lead for a while.
Now we'll be off the list.
Oh, well, I'm sure some other kid will enjoy playing with that tank.
There aren't other kids. I'm the last one.
Don't be crazy. The place is full of kids.
We came in with a bunch of them.
- Where are they then? - What do you mean?
They're all hiding. They're not supposed to be seen.
- This game is serious! - I just don't get this game, papa.
How many points do we have so far?
687 give or take a few. I told you this already.
Come on, let's go. We're in first place, but if you want to go, it's all right.
- We're in first place? - Yeah, first place, I told you.
Anyway, we're quitting, come on.
I saw the scores yesterday. But it doesn't matter anymore.
Ciao, Bartolomeo. Joshua and I are leaving.
We're fed up. We'll see.
By the way, that big tank is ready.
But remember: before you move it or even start the engine...
...be sure to clean the spark plugs. And open up the throttle...
...because, if you don't the... the tracks won't work properly.
And polish the cannon. That really came out beautiful!
And before you take off, you better test the brakes.
Alright. Me and Joshua are leaving.
He wants to quit the game so we're gonna go.
Too bad! We could have gone home with a big tank...
...but we'll take the bus.
Ciao everybody! Me and Joshua are leaving now.
We're tired of this place, so we're heading back home.
So long!
Come on, Joshua. We better hurry or we'll miss the bus.
Joshua, let's go. Let's go.
But it's raining. I'll come down with fever of 110!
Joshua! Joshua, it's me, it's papa!
I have to tell you something important! Come here!
That little rascal's been running from me since this morning.
- Is there really a kid? - One? There must be two thousand!
They're like mice. They're all over the place!
Those creeps want the tank! Stop!
Wait.
I think I have him spotted.
Looks to me like he's nearby.
Here: go look. Go see if he's hiding in that box.
You be careful! I'll stay and keep an eye out for you.
Papa, he's there, he's there!
- Did he have brown hair? - Yes.
That's the one I saw. His name is... Schwanz.
He's been in there for three weeks, earning points.
But since you found him, he's been eliminated.
Eventually, we'll find the others.
- How many are there? - They're everywhere, hundreds of them.
It's just they're all out of sight.
- Papa, look there! - I know, it's their hideout!
Got ya, got ya, got ya! They're all out! Come on, let's go. Let's go.
- Oh, no! We've been spotted! - Doest it mean we've lost?
No! No, listen: she's coming over to get you.
Now you have to stay very quiet. You're never allowed to speak.
It's part of the game. Do you understand?
Swear it!
- Swear it! - I swear. - Bravo.
It will be fun: they all talk strange. You can't understand a thing.
So always be quiet, all right?
Listen carefully: we're real close to winning first prize.
You know, they're rounding up everyone in first places. So play the "silence game".
Not a word, Joshua, not a word.
Why are you here with the children?
He was over at...
Shut up! You are not permitted to speak!
- Understood? - I swear.
I must talk to you. It's very important.
- When? Where? - I'll give a signal. Watch for my sign.
Thank you!
- Tzenk you. - No, not "tze"... "tha"...
- Tzenk you... - "Thank you".
- "Thank you." - Thank you. Thank you!
- "Thank you". - Tank you... thank you.
"Thank you"!
Thank you, thank you.
I told you speaking to the children it's prohibited.
Doctor, you know, my wife is here.
Eat slow.
Eat slow, Joshua. It's bad for you.
We're in the lead. We just might leave early.
The things worked out, ok? The game is almost over, son.
Don't make a mistake now that we're in the lead.
Don't make a mistake. Eat slow.
It's important. So, pay attention.
"Heavy - heavy, ugly - ugly, all yellow in reality…
If you ask me what I am...
I respond 'Quack, quack, quack'…
When I'm walking along I go 'Poopoop'.
Tell the truth: I am who?"
It has to be a duckling, right?
Isn't it a duckling?
I am sure that is not!
A veterinarian friend of mine sent it to me from Vienna.
Of course, I can't send him mine until I solve this one.
Duck-billed platypus...
... I thought that what it was...
but it doesn't go, 'Quack, quack, quack'
All it ever makes is this stupid...
So it's not a platypus after all.
I translated it from German for you few days ago.
Well, how 'bout it Guido?
Everything points to a duckling.
You have to help me, Guido.
For heaven's sake...
...help me!
I can't sleep anymore.
It's got to be the duckling!
Joshua, Joshua, come here! Here! Come on!
- I'm tired. - I know, it's ok. All right, Let's go.
Where are we now, Joshua?
I might have taken us the wrong way.
You dream sweet dreams for us, Joshua.
Maybe all this it's really just a dream!
That's what it is, Joshua.
I know in the morning mommy will wake us...
and bring us two nice big glasses of milk and coffee and cookies.
First thing we'll do is eat.
Then I'll make love to her two or three times...
if I can.
Excuse me, Bartolomeo.
They've called those two officials over 20 times from headquarters.
I think they escaped.
- Can you understand what they're saying? - You don't need to speak german.
The war is over. They're in complete panic.
And those trucks, where are they going?
The important thing is to keep away from them completely.
They leave full and come back empty.
You get where they're going?
What about the women? What's happening with them?
What are we doing? We should get out of this hell, before they find us.
It's not like we have any bags to pack!
I've been hearing machine guns for a couple of hours.
I think they wanna get rid of the evidence.
Listen, Bartolomeo, I'm leaving right now.
I'll see you in Venice. We'll start an anvil factory together!
So long, guys. I'm leaving.
Joshua, come here.
Look how mad they are! They are furious!
You see? They're looking for you out there.
That's what is going on. Just for you.
The fact is you're the only one left that's still in the game.
They're looking everywhere! They're desperate.
Tomorrow morning the game is over and they'll present the award.
If they don't find you, if you keep from being discovered it's worth 60 points!
How many points do we have already?
We've around 940 points. Plus 60?
- First place! - First place! We win!
Mamma mia! Boy, are those guys ever mad!
So, no mistakes tonight. This will determine the winner!
You go over there right now and hide in that box!
- What about Schwanz? - What?
Schwanz, the boy with the brown hairs, papa.
Right... I forgot he was caught yesterday. He was eliminated.
So it's the safest place to hide. Because nobody will look there again.
Ready? Let's go, quick as lightning. One, two, three... Go! Go! Come on!
Quick! Get inside!
Take this blanket in case you get cold. Here, take it.
I'll be back soon, Joshua. Very soon.
I'll throw them off track. "I saw him over there!"
Papa, you scared me to death! What are you doing here?
Joshua, give me the blanket. Do you feel cold?
- No. - Let me have your sweater then.
I'll put it on a tree and make sure I'll throw them off track, ok?
All right? It's amazing.
You should see how they are looking for you out there.
Everybody's screaming "Where is Joshua?"
They're even cursing. They're really mad!
But don't worry, no one will find you. I'll make sure of that.
I have to go. I'll be back.
Listen Joshua...
...if I'm late getting back...
...please don't you move, all right?
Don't come out. You're not to come out...
Listen to me: you're not to come out...
until it's completely quiet...
...with no one's around, you must stay in the box!
Do you understand? Repeat it for me!
I won't come out of here until no one is around.
Bravo, Mr.Stubborn.
Ciao! Ciao Joshua, bye!
Get away from there!
Find another grate! Leave that one alone.
Go away, dog! Find another grate.
Find another grate... find another grate... find another grate...
Leave... leave... leave... leave... leave... leave...
Bravo, Ferruccio.
It works great.
Dora? Dora?
Is there anyone named Dora here?
Dora? Dora?
Dora? Dora, are you in here? It's Guido.
I know someone is still hiding in here. Is somebody named Dora here?
No.
Is there somebody named Dora here? She's Italian. She's my wife.
Yes, there's someone named Dora here.
Dora! It's Guido, Dora!
- I am Dora. - No, that's not her! Is there another Dora?
As soon as you get out of here, jump out of the truck!
Get off! Jump out!
It's true!
Hi boy!
You all alone? You're not afraid, are you?
Don't you stand there, come on up here! We'll give you a lift, come on!
Come on, get up here!
Come on, here we go!
- Mamma! - Stop!
Mamma!
This is my story.
Mamma!
This is the sacrifice my father made.
Joshua! Joshua!
This was his gift to me.
- We won! - Yes, we won! It's true!
We got a thousand points and we won the game!
Daddy and me came in first and now we won the real tank.
We won! We won!